Disappointment
I am sorry that I have been neglecting my blog lately. I have been very busy trying to clean up the mess we have created at my parents. I wanted to get everything mostly cleaned up by the time my dad got home yesterday, and I did. I thought that I had done a very good job of reorganizing things and getting boxes and excess stuff put into the storage compartment. I was really excited that he would be coming home and that I would get to see him. And he shot it all down in less than a minute. He didn't say anything specific, he just gave me that look that I have seen so many times over the years; the "it's just not good enough" look. You know that look of utter disappointment in every aspect of your life. I really thought that for once he could look at something I had done and for once not tell me that I don't meet his standards for my life. It is so disheartening. I have done so much this past week, the only way that I could really get as much done as I did was to have RC look after the squish every moment of every day. I have worked my so hard, and it seems now like I only did it to gain that one small bit of approval that I have never recieved. And now it seems as if I will still never see it.
posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 8:22 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
awwwwwwww babe... i am sorry.... I hpe things get better
hey baby. i'm sure that what you did to the house is great consider you are trying to consolidate 2 households into one. i do know what it feels like to want approval from a parent and never get it. i do know how awful it is to feel like you're never going to be good enough.. like you're never going to live up to there expectations. that's the thing, it's thier expectiations for your life... what they think will make you happy. and well, i hate to say it, but the bottom line is that you have to live your life for you. i bawled like a baby when i realized that i can not make my parents happy. it's thier choice to by happy or not. you can only do what is best for you and be sure that it is best.
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