I'm in training
About two weeks ago RC and I joined the Y. We figured we are done having kids and so it is time for us to make sure that we aren't taken from them because of a preventable issue we have with our bodies. It has been very tough for me to go on my own. In fact I have only been about four times so far. Once to swim, once for a yoga class, once for my fitness evaluation, and again today for another class. Two of the items I listed I did with someone I know. Apparently I have discovered the reason for my failure at trying to get into shape (any kind of shape). I don't want to do something "alone". Sure, there are other people there, but they don't know me. So today, A had invited me to go to a yoga class with her and L. Last night she called to tell me that her husband's car wasn't working and so she wouldn't have a vehicle to come to work out, and since she was the ride of L, nobody would be there. Aww, poor me. This morning when my alarm went off (yes, my actual alarm clock, not my normal alarm clock of "MMMAAAAAAAMMMAAAAAAA... PEEEEEEEPEEEEEEEE...") I rolled over with dozens of reasons not to go. What if another small catastrophe happens with the little mister? I don't feel like making breakfast. I don't want to dress the kids. I can't use my mom's cell phone, what if the truck breaks down on the way there? RC won't be able to get ahold of me if he needs something. And it all boiled down to me shamefully trying to cover up my one major fear, I'll be alone. I forcefully pushed all of those excuses out of my mind and did it. I was almost fifteen minutes late, but I did it! I dropped my kids off at the nursery on my own! I went to the yoga class alone (with about ten other people)! And then worked out all by myself (with about fifteen other people)! I feel the same elation and triumph right now that an infant who is learning to walk must feel when he takes his first steps. In the book we are working on in small group right now it talks about training versus trying and today I took my first steps toward training. Before, I wasn't even trying, I was ignoring, as fervently as I could. That great religion of ignore, of procrastinate, of excuses, of "I can guide my own destiny". Poo. Hogwash. I am in training now. I will have good times in training, and I will have very difficult times, but I am no longer going to just say I am trying. Yoda said it best when he said "Do or do not, there is no try." Hmm, kind of morphed into something more than just a post about going to the gym there, didn't it?
posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 2:17 PM
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