The Breast of Humanity

Why do I feel like I am the only one who cares about family? About being a family, about knowing your ins and outs, your ups and downs? Why? And if that isn't the important stuff, what is? Is being a loving daughter, mother, sister, wife all that matters? NO. There is so much more that matters. There are the times when you sob uncontrollably because of what is happening in your life and there is noone there to comfort you. There are the times when you feel happiest and you want to share it with someone and noone is there for you to share it with. These emotions fade over time, but they also leave a spot that you feel causes a great lack within. I have never felt I can live up to my family's standards. I feel even more so now. The reason I feel this is because they all seem to have an idea of what we are each all like, and when my sister listed off today what she thinks I am like they were all very kind things that didn't require much thought. Why do I crave people to tell me what is wrong with me? Why is it when she listed all of these good things I just wanted to scream, that is not it at all? Nobody knows me, I am not certain anymore I quite know myself.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 2:06 PM 0 comments

I am so glad I got to see Lisa again, and it gets even better, I still get to see her again on Monday. I am so happy she came.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 1:12 PM 1 comments

Oh yeah, I was sick for almost two weeks. The sickness finally ended when I gave it up and went to the doc last Friday. And also my sister is having a boy!!! No, not the one that just had a boy, the other pregnant one who is still pregnant and not not pregnant anymore but still pregnant right now. We got to see the little wee-wee today!

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 2:01 PM 2 comments

Alive, sort of

OK. I am very sorry I have not posted recently. Yes, I am still alive. I have been trying to not get on the computer as much because I realized it was dominating my free time. Now, I umm... either play video games or read, which is only a teensy bit better than spending all the time on the computer only because I am reading books instead of computer screens. I am very excited that a good friend from MS is coming. But I dread cleaning the room that she will sleep in, because it is a nightmare. I think I am just going to buy a few boxes, stuff everything in it, and deposit it all in the storage unit. Then when all of the visiting (since my sister comes into town the following weekend) I will deposit it back in the room and then sort through it to figure out what I want to put into a yard sale or something. It really is a frightening amount of crap that is in there. Maybe what I wil do instead is buy a few boxes and mark one "yard sale" and one "keepers" and go from there, that way it will be semi-organized. Oh, Lisa, please don't take this as me saying I don't want you to come, I am really really really looking forward to your arrival. But you know me and cleaning, we try to avoid each other at all times.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 1:50 PM 1 comments