The Breast of Humanity

Yeah right

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 10:22 AM 0 comments

One of those songs that keeps me going...

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 10:45 AM 2 comments

Withdrawal

Oh, the agony. The girls have decided that I may not watch anime until after girly group on Tuesday. I know that I can make it. Heck, I have gone months without watching anime before. I sure put up a fight though. So, in the absence of cute Japanese boys and laughing-eyed men, I have vacuumed my house three times today. I also opened up "the cage", that area once known as a living room that since the birth of el kiddo was converted into a cage to keep him from the "dangers of the house". In addition to that I have cleaned the carpet in our truck (it really needed to be done since we have had it for almost a year now). Something interesting I found while cleaning the truck was something that was rather prevalent in the movie me and the bellas watched last night... YES... you guessed right. Oh dear, I said, no wonder there were so many problems with the truck. He-he! Oh well. Also, there were tons of those little strips that people with diabetes have to use to test there blood sugar (or whatever it is they do with those little machine thingies). Yeah, I know it is gross. We haven't even had the truck cleaned thoroughly since we got it. So, in lieu of anime I am doing lots of cleaning, sort of, I still haven't touched the laundry or the dishes. Oh yeah, I also tried to put those little cabinet latch thingies on the inside of the cabinet so that the little one will not pull out the knives and stuff and murder us when we don't pay attention to him for two seconds, those things are tough to put on. I only got one set on, and that took almost forty-five minutes. Blah. I need a little drill, or just a drill bit to put on the electric screw driver that we bought with the anniversary money (by money, I mean Target gift card! Ding! Ding! Ding!) my mom and dad sent. (Thanks for the screw driver, it is just what I always wanted. ) Yes, I passed up that cute tea set for a power tool. But I feel so empowered now, to work without twisting the wrist, it is wonderful! I want to take a nap. I feel sleepy, it must be that chocolate/peppermint bark I have been munching on today.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 2:34 PM 2 comments

.hack//sign

There are some days when all I want to do is ignore the world. I really wish that there was really a computer game like "The World" from .hack. It would make such a great escape. So, I have got all of .hack//sign on cd's that one of my friends from Nashville burned for me (oh, Julio where have you gone to?). I am watching it right now, at this very moment. I just started it a little while ago so it is still on the first episode, at the part where Tsukasa first gets his "guardian". I really love this anime because they make it so that you are really sympathizing with the lead character. It is about a boy who cannot log out of the game, he can't even figure out if he is actually sitting in front of a computer or if he is actually a guy! It has beautiful music and beautiful artistry. Not quite as beautiful as some parts of Kare Kano, but that was done by those freaks who did Evangelion so go figure. The story rotates around the boy trying to figure out how it is that he exists in a game, and why he can feel everything that happens to him. Ahh, grunties. I just love them. If you have watched .hack then you would understand. When I watch .hack it is like coming home. Like this is where I belong and the world that I live in is the game that I am stuck in, actually that is how it feels with all of my favorite anime. If only I was a cartoon instead of this mere flesh and bone. Ahh. But such a life as this is not one that should be allowed to continue. I admit that I do have an addiction to anime and that I really shouldn't watch it as much, but I make excuses and say that it is alright to watch it every second that I have. De-mo...

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:17 AM 1 comments

Yay!

You Are 12 Years Old

12 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 3:20 PM 2 comments

Roo, where was that test to determine your age? I want to do it!

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:25 AM 1 comments

Thanks...

Thank you, to all of those people who pointed out that the links on the blog were screwed up. Luckily, someone else noticed it before I got home and told RC, so I didn't even get to do a thing, he fixed it all for me while I was at girly group.
While I am on the subject, I feel that last night was a real eye opener. L brought a list she had found somewhere, it was a list of "What makes a church?" It really made me think about some of the things that RTPC isn't doing. I think that there were only maybe two or three things on the list that we are doing, and there were about six or seven things on the list total (correct me if I am wrong L). It was a very informative evening, plus it was lots of fun. So much fun, in fact, that I totally forgot to buy milk on the way home and thus had to go this morning with a screaming child who wanted to drink said milk. I really enjoyed the shopping, even though I didn't get the chopsticks set after all. Oh well. So when I got home, I was thinking, "You know, we really should do things like that more often." Meaning just the whole getting together to walk around a department store, or go walk around some one's neighborhood and pray together. Now that the truck is fixed I definitely have more mobility. I just think that we should get together more than once a week, and try to get more people to come. Not just people from church, but like Roo's crazy land lady (or maybe not), or my bi-polar neighbor (or maybe not), or maybe even the librarian that gives me the evil eye when I check out smut (well, actually she commented on the fact that Fabio was on the cover of one of the books).
Why is it that it is so much more comfortable to let people you don't really know see the "dark side" of you? Like with it being easy for me to check out smut from a library where I know the people won't see me on Sunday. Or with it being easy to open up about a sordid past with people who have been or are on the same path whom you will never see again. Or running a red light because there isn't anybody else around to see it. (If you guys haven't noticed, I have a big issue with people and traffic violations, because there is no excuse considering all the blasted signs sitting around to remind you, and that wonderful invention called cruise control.) Oh yes, something else I noticed a while ago, a comparison: Church (as a place) and cops. People act the same around these two entities. If you are driving down the road, what do you do when you see a cop? You slow down. What do people do when they go to church on Sunday? They try their best look of innocence. What do people do as soon as the cop is out of sight? They speed up again and drive just as recklessly as they were before they saw him. What do people do when they leave church? They go back to there everyday way of living without a second thought for what may have been said at church. In my case, I ignore all of the things I have heard about how little "sins" can essentially weaken your spiritual fiber and create "footholds" for other bigger "sins". Which some of the things that I think of as sins for me are not for other people, because everyone has different weaknesses. For me, I think that if I let my love of smut get out of control, it could lead to me wanting to watch porn or doing things that as a married woman I have no right to. Same thing with anime (except not porn), my love of anime leads to excessive spending (that is something that I have sort of started to do better at though, since recently it has become either buy anime and be entertained or buy food and not starve to death). Also I have the habit of ignoring the words. I want to think I can achieve a closer relationship with God by completely ignoring Him, ok, so that is a little bit exaggerated, but essentially that is how my life is lived. Alright, so now that I am getting uncomfortable, I am going to go take some Tylenol and eat some cheerios and ignore the laundry.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 10:33 AM 1 comments

Change

So, I was thinking of how people change when they don't even realize it. Actually, I wasn't I just needed to post something out of guilt for those of you who check my blog daily and don't see any changes. So, I forced myself to think of something that might be slightly interesting to you. When RC and I got married, I loved doing the whole housewife thing, washing dishes, making spaghetti (because that was the only thing I knew how to make), doing laundry, making the bed, and cleaning and decorating our cute little apartment on a regular basis. I even cleaned the litter box for my sweet little Sticky on a daily basis. Oh yeah, and those gigantic fish and snake tanks we had, I really loved cleaning and decorating them, too. Actually the entire time we lived there I loved being the good little wifey, even when I had a job and was making more than RC at that one point. I recall being relatively patient (correct me if am wrong, RC), I was a real romantic (like lighting candles, giving RC hot baths, etc.), I was very forgiving, and I almost remember being way more in touch with God than I am now. Now it seems like all I do is complain. I hardly ever do the dishes or laundry, I never make the bed or decorate (heaven forbid), Sticky's litter box gets cleaned out once a week (if that). I have really let go. The catalyst that created the shlup that I am now was one specific event, moving to MS. It is true. I just don't care about anything with my family being so far away. I know I am not going to have regular visitors like we did then, because then we lived right in the middle of the mix, now we are living in a cow field! I have let so much stuff go, simply because I don't see any reason to make it otherwise. I snap at RC at the smallest thing. The cat stays locked in his room most of the time. Luckily, I don't have to deal with the fish or the snakes anymore (at least not snakes that I want to keep, some of you may recall the cotton mouth incident). But like that little phrase I just used in the last sentence, "deal with it", that is my take on everything, and when I started saying I don't want to deal with my son, I knew something is wrong there. A child isn't something you "deal" with, a child is someone who is completely dependent on you, someone who trusts you, who loves you, not someone to be complacent about. A child is not "dealt with", a child needs to be treated with love. It took me several months after giving birth to even discover my love for my son. At first all I felt was bitterness and resentment. I felt that it was all his fault, I thought RC found me repulsive, I found myself repulsive. So a fault was created, even though the blame lay on no one. This is a child created by love, in the bonds of holy matrimony, and I was angry at him. So, I resented him and all that he had done to me. I didn't want to do anything that involved me being near my son. It took months of failed breast feeding to realize that I actually cared about this little guy. It was when I stopped trying to feed him myself that the real bond was created. I started getting more sleep, so I had more energy to "deal with" the day and all it held. I started to get time for myself, because I wasn't taking naps all day. I reclaimed a little bit of my identity, almost. And then one day, it hit me like a semi. I was actually in love with my son. It snuck up on me so suddenly that I was completely overwhelmed, and all I did for like a week was cry, I cried when he looked at me, I cried when I looked at him, I cried when I fed him, I cried when I tried to coax him to roll over. Once I discovered that love, my identity disappeared again. I was no longer "girl trying to act like a mom", nor was I "girl trying to be a good wife", suddenly I was mom and wife. Somehow I had been trying to keep those things separate, but now I realized I could be both. RC always calls me "Super Mom" now, which I guess that means I am doing pretty good now, but it was a rough road. My old identity is gone, my new one seems firmly cemented in place. That is the kind of change I was talking about. The kind that sneaks up so gradually that you didn't even realize it was happening. I have started doing the dishes regularly, I even clean the litter box more often. The reason I had always done those things before was to show how much I care about this family in our home, whether it is in TN or MS, and now the family I do it for is larger than it was at first but the love for them hasn't divided, it has multiplied. I want to make the house an enjoyable place to live in, not an enjoyable place for all of my fashionable friends to ooh and ahh at when they see it (that would never happen any way because this is definitely not an ooh-worthy house). But anyway, I think that I forgot the purpose of this post.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 10:54 AM 3 comments

I don't have anything special to say. I am bored even though I should be doing something about this headache, I would rather flootle away the time on the puter. I just wanted to let everyone know I am alive. That is all...

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 1:40 PM 1 comments

Every one in the whole world should watch the episode seven: The Invisible Words of the Arjuna anime series, including the epilogue. It is so cool. It tells about words, and how people have used them to categorize everything. This is a very good anime with vivid c.g. effects. The story is about Juna who is chosen to be the next Avatar of Time. She is a normal high school student who hasn't even kissed her boyfriend yet. She decided to learn trditional archery because her mother wants her to learn the tea ceremony or flower arranging. With the protector of time, Ashura, and the divine bow Gan Deva she sets out to destroy the Raaja, monsters destroying what she knows as Earth. But are they destoying it or protecting it? Find out in the next thrilling episode of Earth Maiden Arjuna.
Hmmm, maybe I should write anime commentaries for a living. Perhaps I will just write them on my blog, or better yet create a new blog devoted to commenting on and rating anime! But then that would require me to watch some that I won't like so maybe not. So far there is only one anime that I don't consider like-able, but that is only because of the shounen-ai (boys love) and bishounen (beautiful boys or boys that look like girls) theme to it. That one is called Earthian. It actually has a good plot. The planet Heaven sends two angels to judge whether Earth should be destroyed or not. While they are at it they discover another angel called Messiah, who was actually created by a scientist on Earth. Messiah was created to be the ultimate weapon. It is pretty good on the artistic side, too. I just never watch it because of the whole boy on boy action.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:22 AM 0 comments

Sleeping on the couch but not in the dog house...

So last night, once I finally turned my light out, I realized it was far too hot in the bed so I went kick in the fan on the ac and the thermostat said it was like sixty five degrees in the house. So I went ahead and kicked it in, and went and layed back in the bed. After laying there for a little while, oh about twenty or thirty minutes, I realized that the problem was not with the house being hot, the problem was with my hot husband flung all across my side of the bed. So I turned the fan off and went and layed down on the couch. So I layed there, at quite a comfortable temperature, and I layed there and I layed there. I could not fall asleep. Some one who has spent the last four years of their life sleeping in an occupied bed could probably tell you why I could not fall asleep. I wanted to spoon! But alas, I didn't want to get burned by the massive amounts of furnace like heat coming off of my soundly sleeping husband. So I finally had to resort to my last hope, a little trick I learned from my favorite sci-fi trilogy of books ever, The Darkchild Trilogy by Sydney Van Scyoc. The way that they applied this discipline was in the form of emptying yourself to allow the teachings to flow through you, because you cannot hear unless you empty yourself. What you do is breathe. Yes, it is that simple. With every exhilation you send a thought away, on every inhilation you tell yourself what you want, in my case sleep was my mantra. It has worked before and like a charm, I was waking up to my husband's alarm clock an hour and a half later before I knew what hit me. I have also used it with yoga to produce a powerful relaxing effect. In yoga, I don't use it to move a teaching through me, more like simply trying to quiet the distractions vying for attention in my head. It could also probably be applied in an instance such as centering or contemplative prayer. So, this was just a little tip from me to you. Remember, keep your breathing even and regular, don't force it, if you feel the need you could even sigh on your exhale to trick yourself into believing that you really are setting your thoughts out to drift away from you then go for it.
So anyhow, back to my story from this morning... After RC wakes me up, I go back to my bed, and since he isn't in it I stretch all out across it until I realized that it was rally cold by then so I cacooned myself in the blankets and fell back asleep eventually. But only about an hour and a half pass before I hear my little suishy wailing at the top of his lungs. I jumped up and raced to his room to find him with his had stuck between the crib and the wall because he was trying to grab the outlet that is just behind the bedpost. Lucky for him I put covers on them ages ago. And that ws the most activity I have had today. I did get to lay in the tub for about forty five minutes. It was nice, but I still wish we had a Japanese style bathroom. I want a tub that has a fire beneath it to warm it, and a flat tiled area in front of the tub with a drain in it so you can wash first, then get into the tub. Better yet, why doesn't MS just get public bath houses like Japan has! I think that is a great idea. But I think that people of America wouldn't be able to get over the whole naked-in front-of-a-bunch-of-other-people thing. But you know me, the girl who wanted to live at a nudist colony when I was a late teen. I still would like to build a commune, but nudity would be totaly up to the individual.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:25 PM 0 comments

Why ME?

Why ME? I keep getting e-mail from "Horny Housewives", "Cheating Housewives" and another one that I will not repeat their name. What is up with that? I don't like women so they obviously think it is a great idea to send me their nude pics. WTF(reak)?
Oh, how I love my Tenchi. He is such a kind young man. He treats all of his women equally. I am such a sap. I wish I could be Ryoko, then I could fly and teleport and punch stuff so hard that it falls into little crumbly peices and I could drink loads of sake without having a hangover (unless of course it was Washu's special recipe). Now where was I going with this... Oh yes, I simply adore Tenchi. By far my favorite anime ever. Even though my license plate says "CHOBITS", which is my second in line favorite.
So last night I was reading in my bible, and I found this little commentary at the bottom of the page. It is for Genesis chapter 2 verse 25 ("Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.") This is the comment, "Have you ever noticed how a little child can run naked through a room full of strangers without embarassment? He is not aware of his nakedness, just as Adam and Eve were not embarassed in their innocence. But after Adam and Eve sinned, shame and awkwardness followed, creating barriers between themselves and God. We often experience these same barriers in marriage. Ideally a husband and wife have no barriers, feeling no embarassment in exposing themselves to each other and God. But, like Adam and Eve (3:7), we put on fig leaves (barriers) because we have areas we don't want our spouse, or God, to know about. Then we hide just as Adam and Eve hid from God. In marriage, lack of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy usually precedes a breakdown of physical intimacy. In the same way, when we fail to expose our secret thoughts to God, we break our lines of communication with Him."
When I read that I thought, wow, this is exactly what I have set myself up for. In escence a "communications disruption", to use Star Wars teminology. I have become so absorbed into my own little bubble of Me-ness that I have completely refused to allow any divine intervention. I have been so caught up reading my smut and ignoring the world in my hermit-like state of being, that I have failed to communicate with the one that I claim to love the most. I know now how I need to commune with Him, without fear of rejection or shame. I simply need to do it all the time. Opening your thoughts up in a conversation with God may be a strange concept to some, but now I fel that that is the only true way to get to know Him and allow Him to know you. No fear, no shame. Tell Him daily, moment by moment, how you feel, how you enjoyed seeing that one little flower in blossom on the side of the road, how you hate doing dishes but know you have to so you are trying as hard as you can to be cheerful about it, how when you hold your child in your arms before laying him down for the night you feel you are the most blessed person in the world to have lived through the ordeal and have a healthy, happy, thriving child. In your joy, in your sadness, tell him everything, hold nothing back.

Yes, I know I stole the part about the flower from you, L, but it is a really good point. And the highest form of flattery is imitation.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:53 AM 1 comments

I am not too trashy

I AM 39% WHITE TRASH! The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense. Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:49 AM 0 comments

Rants

I apologize for the outburst earlier. I just get fed up with my antics sometimes. I just wanted to let you know that I know that I am not a worthless heap of parrot droppings. Squishy is running away down the hall.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 5:23 PM 1 comments

I have fallen to the land of smut...

I have fallen to the land of smut. It has been a long time, but I have almost climbed back out of the tempting pit of lustful fantasies. That is the other reason why I have not been posting. I went to the library and checked out a bunch of smutty books. No, I refuse to call the romance novels, because it does not happen like that in real life, it is just smut (but oh it is so much fun sometimes). The girl is never a petite, young creature with breasts that she thinks are too small and yet gently upthrust at the same time. The real life damsel always wonders how did I manage to get hips like this with so much junk in my trunk I can't see out my rear view mirror. The man is never an Adonis towering over you by at least a foot, with those velvety chocolate eyes that sear through you like a flame igniting your inner fires, he hasn't got obscenely broad shoulders that make you think he will certainly crush you if he were to lay down on you. I am finished with smut, at least for a while. Instead, I will blog. RC is at work right now and squishy is hopefully on his way to dream land. My back is killing me. The dishes are stacked all over the counter and I haven't put the folded laundry away. That is what happens when you fall to the land of smut. But, at least it was free library smut that I won't even have to look at once I return it (excuses). I think that this last one that I read has just really turned my off to it. I mean come on, you can't seriously fall in love with someone who the first time you met them they raped you. That is just not possible. And come to think of it, what about these women out here in the real world who stay with a guy even though he beats them and cheats on them. WHY? Can anyone answer that? No excuses. Why is this world so embroiled in laying the blame on someone else? It is called "personal accountability". It is what makes you stop and think before you say something you don't mean and then have too much pride to take back so you have to follow through with it. Why don't people ever think? I am fed up with the stupid people in this world, and they are the ones who say Oh, getting trashed out drunk is fine, for that matter, running a stop light is fine, oh let's just go all the way, emailing people viruses is fine. People consider that anything is fine as long as they don't get caught. You slow down when you see a cop on the side of the road whether or not you are speeding, right? Do any of these people ever stop to think about the one person who is watching them all the time. The one other person in the world that sees them ignoring His word, lying to make themselves look good, running stop lights, not telling the cashier that she gave you too much change back, ignoring your debts, not using their turn signal, sleeping with another man's wife, drinking themselves into oblivion. Why don't people think? Why? I won't make excuses for myself any more, because that is all they are. Plain and simple, I am a sinner. I suffer for not communing with my Lord and Savior on a daily basis. I feel dejected, alone, guilty, and disgusting. I hate myself. The thought that on a daily basis for the last week all I have done with my spare time is read about throbbing members, thrusting, groping, and rape makes me want to vomit. I have taken no time for the one who I claim is foremost in my life. What does that say about me? I have done the same as if I had slept with the first joe off the street, as if I killed brutally with my bare hands, as if I helped in hammering those nails. I have heard it for years, sin is sin is sin. It is all equal. It doesn't matter what sin I have committed, it is still black. I am so sick of myself.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 3:16 PM 0 comments

My Exotic Cause of Death

I will mauled by a mob of midgets.



How will you die? Take the Exotic Cause of Death Test

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 3:12 PM 2 comments

Well, I am back from my long sojourn. I didn't actually go anywhere, but I have finally forgiven my computer for being a virus magnet. And while I am on the subject; you jerks, you know who you are, yeah the twenty seven year olds with your glasses that haven't changed since the mid-eighties, who sit in your mother's basement squeezing your acne and playing Doom and Half life on the easy setting and thinking you are just 'da bomb creating viruses, you make me sick! What is the freaking deal? Why couldn't you send them to someone who deserves them like Donald Trump? No, you have to send them to the young housewife who is trying to email her family pics of her gorgeous baby. Stupid. You are the poeple that when your mom lets you borrow her car, you never use your turn signal, who never bothered to go and get a driver's liscence, who asked the head cheerleader to prom all four years and always got slapped in the face. You digust me, you vaccuous, malodorous pervert! I am much better now. Sooo... Today was my squishy's one year doctors visit. It went very well, until the shots! He screamed and screamed and screamed for all of about three and a half minutes. Actually that is the longest he has ever cried at a visit. Now he is out like a light and I sort of expect him to stay down for twice as long as normal. I lost my train of thought. maybe I will blog more later.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 1:25 PM 5 comments

I am sorry I have been neglecting my blog. I have been spending lots of time with my hubby since he has had the past week off from work. I just wanted to post a quick note saying a big thank you to all of those who pitched in for my Christmas present. I love it! I will probably blog more tomorrow, but for now my hubby is at home so I am going to spend time with him.

posted by Jedi Master Deba Sing @ 11:51 AM 4 comments